THINGS THAT GIVE ME SERIOUS ANXIETY

1. DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY

I love being on the freeway. Windows down, wind tousling my hair, music blasting while I admire all of the beautiful city lights. But, that's only when someone else is driving. I feel safer when other people drive because they most likely know what they're doing. Me? I get on the freeway, and I'm clouded in an instant panic. Because there's so many cars! And oh my god what is that person doing? Why are you driving 90 miles per hour?  Why is everyone slamming on their brakes? How do I get into the next lane when they won't let me over?!? Oh fuck I missed my exit!!! Now what do I do? Why is this person honking at me? WHAT DID I DO WRONG.

2. SOCIAL SITUATIONS WHERE I ONLY KNOW ONE PERSON

Extra points if it's in a place I've never been to before. Being out of my element gives me a rush in a VERY BAD WAY. Anyone who knows me would say I'm outgoing, charming, and charismatic. But, if I'm in a new environment and only know one person, I suddenly forget how to be my regular charming self. Inside my head is something like this. OH MY GOD I FORGET HOW TO MAKE EYE CONTACT. STOP SHAKING YOUR FOOT SO MUCH. STOP GIGGLING NERVOUSLY NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUNNY. FUCK I FORGET EVERYONE'S NAMES. FUCK WHAT EVEN IS MY NAME?! But, give me a drink and this will go away automatically.

3. DRIVING WHEN IT'S SUPER BRIGHT OUTSIDE AND THERE IS TONS OF FRESH SNOW EVERYWHERE

Where there is sun, and there is snow, not even sunglasses can save you from the blinding white. Somehow I am never prepared for this. I never think to leave sunglasses in my van because I just don't drive much, so anytime this happens it is thrust upon me with no warnings and my eyeballs are very surprised. They then try to escape from the blinding white by rolling into the back of my head. And I can't get them to stop and just work no matter how hard I try! Because I am trying to drive, this is very dangerous. And because it's so dangerous, I'll start panicking that I'm going to crash because I can't see because my eyeballs are rolling into the back of my head and I can't stop them.

4. NOT BEING ANXIOUS

I have gotten so used to being an anxious person, that when there is a time I am actually not feeling anxious or stressing over something, I, in lieu of not being anxious, start getting anxious because I'm not anxious. It is then that I start making up crazy scenarios in my head so I have something to worry about. This has gotten better since I have started working out, though :P

5. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS ME NOT TO WORRY
LIKE, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T KNOW ME SHARK, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE. I CAN'T JUST NOT WORRY. AND IF YOU TELL ME NOT TO WORRY CHANCES ARE I'M GOING TO START WORRYING THAT MUCH MORE. THEN I'LL START TO WONDER WHY I CAN'T JUST STOP WORRYING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. AM I NOT A NORMAL PERSON? AM I CRAZY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

A List of AWESOME things

There are just some little treats in life that are so small, yet can turn your entire mood into something positive.
Here's to the little things!

(Not all of the images belong to me)

1. Summer time rain hitting hot pavement

There is nothing quite like the smell of a storm in the summertime. When that rain hits the pavement that has been heated in the sunshine all day, it's like a smell of heaven.

2. Hearing a song you haven't heard in awhile
You know, when you're flipping through the radio and a song comes on that you haven't heard in a long while, and it brings you back to an exact moment in time and you just kind of smile and listen to it in a whole new way.

3. Road trips with your friends or a significant other
You don't even have to be going anywhere special to enjoy a ride like this. You don't even have to talk, music blasting, wind whipping through your hair as you glance at your friends or your special person singing along to the music...it's enough to give you a buzz.

4. Putting on an outfit that just makes you feel HOT

You know the one! You put it on and there's a new bounce in your step. It gives you new found confidence and makes you feel like a frickin' supermodel. You imagine heads turning as you walk through wherever you're going and you just FEEL GOOD. Clothes are amazing that way!

5. Lightning bugs sprinkling through the trees
You're sitting on your front porch on a cool summer night, drinking lemonade, a big fountain pop, or your drink of choice as you listen to the crickets and the tree frogs. You glance up at the canopy of the trees when you notice what seems like MILLIONS of lightning bugs making the trees look like they're glittering in the night.

6. A clear night for star gazing

If you're lucky like I am, you might live in an area where there is little light pollution. Some nights are so clear, you can practically see the Milky Way belt. I've seen many clear starry nights like this, but each time is more amazing than the last and literally stops my breath. It's like peeking into the universe at our past. If you have someone with you it can even spark intimate conversations about life, God, science, and why we are here. Not much beats moments like this!

7. Waves crashing on a beach

Sometimes, it's better than your favorite song.

Six Types of Friends to Avoid Having/Being

1. THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

This "friend" is easily envious and will go on the defense anytime they think you outshine them. They may spread rumors about you or try to take away what makes you shine and happy. They will never find it in themselves to be happy for you when your life is going well. They'll give you many back-handed compliments. They feel uncomfortable when you form relationships outside of them, and they will try to turn you against people so as to keep you for themselves. Depending on the severity of the jealousy, this friend may be worth slowly weeding out of your life rather than trying to talk to them and convince them to act like a normal human being.

2. THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE

This friend is, simply put, EMOTIONALLY DRAINING. They literally suck the life out of you like a vampire. Being around this person is exhausting because every time you see them, you get an ear full of  everything about their lives; mainly their problems, stress, and they might throw temper tantrums. The worst offenders are the ones who ask your advice about a situation, do the complete opposite of what you advised, then come to you complaining about how it didn't work and asking for your advice. They don't do this once, either, noooo. They do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. 

The best advice would to be to keep the conversations short and sweet, see this person in small doses, or hang out with this friend with a large group of people.

3. THE BRICK WALL

This person can't be bothered with your conversation when it's your turn to talk. As soon as they're done talking about something(most likely themselves) and it's your turn to speak up, they immediately shut you out. You can't come to this person for advice or just a shoulder to lean on, and if you try, they will zone out or start doing something else. The ones who pretend to listen can't even do a good job at it. This person is probably not worth keeping as a friend, focus instead on the people who care about what you have to say and who care about your feelings. You're a person, too!

4. THE ONE UPPER

There's nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, but this person takes it way too far. This person makes literally EVERYTHING a competition; sports, awards, Facebook "likes", Twitter "retweets"...they'll even claim that they can wipe their ass better than you. It's exhausting, because if you play into their games, you won't win because they'll outrun you with their webs of bullshit. Don't take it personally, they run a race with everyone. And, pretty soon, they'll be the only one even running the race because they left everyone else in the dust. These people will wake up one day and wonder why they're alone, and you'll be happily skipping the other way off into the sunset focusing on friends who WANT you to succeed and push you to be your best without worrying if you'll outrun them or not.

5. THE GUILT TRIPPER

This person is the very definition of a "brat". They'll make you feel like the biggest piece of shit if you can't, God forbid, live up to their unreasonable preconceived expectations they give you. Your poor, sweet, little old grandma has been sent to the hospital the same night as their party? They won't take "I can't make it, Grandma's sick" for an answer. They'll first try to manipulate you into going to their party anway: 

"But I was sooooooo excited for you to come, please, you can see your grandma anytime, there's hot boys here, pleeeeaaaaaaase I'll be so sad if you don't come". 

After you still say you can't go and apologize, they'll flat out ignore you until they get over it on THEIR terms. Who wants to deal with adult sized two year old's as friends, anyway?

6. THE BLACK MAILER

This person may be friendly or sweet on the outside, but they're mentally taking notes on embarrassing stories you trust them with, or take pictures of you when you're a hot drunk mess at their party, so if someday your friendship ends because you got sick of them, they can USE IT AGAINST YOU. They might even blackmail you with those things while you're STILL friends, like posting those pictures without your permission or bringing up your secrets in front of a bigger group of people. Watch your back with these people, folks, and be careful with who you trust!

Sometimes, I wonder if life throws obstacles in my way on purpose just to give me an opportunity to prove how much I want something. Anytime I want to achieve something, it doesn't come easy. Maybe that's because dreams and goals aren't meant to come "easily", but for me that seems to ring especially true and be a REALLY common theme in my life. Almost to the point where it's actually kind of laughable how hard it is for me to achieve a goal.

Drive to Rhode Island for auditions for The X Factor with a group of friends, while missing a whole week of work, with only 200 bucks to bring, no real idea where we're going, with the friends doubting whether or not we should go? LET'S DO IT!! Having to wait in line for NINE hours in a storm with no umbrellas to even get registered to audition? BRING IT!! Drive to a photo shoot in a blizzard because I've worked hard preparing for it, even though it will take three hours to get there and almost every highway is closed and traffic is going less than ten miles per hour? NO PROBLEM! Continue to pursue what I want even though it has pissed people off to the point where they want to sabotage me?

NO BIG DEAL HERE!

I guess the point to this is, sometimes you have to be really moronic yet BRAVE in order to accomplish anything. Sometimes, even if the odds are against you, you HAVE to push through anyway to get where you want to go and to be what you want to be. Sometimes - You can't let ANYTHING stop you, no matter what!!

Keep dreaming beautiful, boos!!!

Freelance/Modeling

Chances are if you want to model, at first you're going to be a freelance model. Especially if you live in the middle of nowhere like me. That means you'll kind of be like your own agent. You'll book your own shoots, do your own networking, and you're probably not going to get paid, at least not at first. And that's okay! There is no price tag for doing something you love, and maybe you'll find that getting paid isn't even important to you because the real reward is in creating a piece of art that you can be proud of. You'll have total control over your work, and that's why I will probably ALWAYS be a freelance model. I've been told many times to contact agencies, but I'm a total control freak so this works out fabulously for me! I get to control when I work, how often I work, what projects I choose, my image, and what photographers to work with. Plus, you never know if an agency is trustworthy or legitimate, especially if you're in an area where modeling isn't a common dream.

So, here's a list of things I've learned from experience to always keep in mind as a model, whether you have been modeling for awhile, are just starting out, or are looking to do work.

1. ALWAYS BRING SOMEONE TO A SHOOT WITH YOU
I can't stress this enough! There are many evil people in this otherwise beautiful world, and if you're booking  a shoot with someone new or someone you don't know, in an area you don't know, you NEED to bring someone with you. A friend, a parent, your boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Also, it's a good idea to tell at least one other person where you are headed off to. Get an address so you can tell someone where you will be, bring your cellphone, BE SAFE. I recommend not trying to look for work on craigslist. It could turn out to be a porno shoot. Seriously. Or some weirdo who wants to do a tickle fetish shoot. This happened to me personally, I got a message from someone wanting to tickle me with feathers while someone took pictures of it. Being tied down was required. The people at work wouldn't let me live this one down...I got called "Tickle Me Allie" more times than I care to count. But, hey, if you have a fetish you want to shoot, more power to you!!! Just make sure to be safe and smart about it!

2. Don't do something you aren't comfortable with!
My very first shoot was a group shoot that a company put together. Models, make up artists, and photographers all came together. It was like a damn party, and it was great for starting your networking. I met lots of people, one photographer who I continue to work with today! But, there was a particular shoot I did this day that I was not completely comfortable with. It was my first time shooting, so I was way less assertive with my image than I am now. Since it was around the holidays, a photographer had me put on this tacky little santa outfit complete with thong and snapped some pictures. Don't get me wrong, this photographer did not force me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with, it was ME that allowed it and didn't speak up, and I immediately emailed him after the shoot and asked him to delete the photos. Now, I might be willing to do the santa outfit if it was tastefully shot, but as a model who just started out and didn't really KNOW these people or where the photos were going, it made me very, VERY uncomfortable. I love nude photos, though I won't do them. I love boudoir and I WILL do those. But as a beginner, it was a scary thought.

 Don't be afraid to speak up to your photographer about what you are and aren't comfortable with. You should probably clarify this BEFORE the shoot, because if you're in the middle of a shoot and they don't respect your wishes, YOU BETTA RUN GURL.

Damn this post is getting long.

3. "Mr. Photographer, I think I'm ready for my close up tonight, make sure you catch me from my good side" - QUEEN GODNEY SPEARS.
As you can guess, posing is one of the most important things in modeling. I was pretty horrible at posing at first. I have some scrapped images where I look like a damn slouching chicken. I should have kept them so we could all have a laugh together and show you what NOT to do. It really pays to study poses and practice them. If you're a photographer, you need to know some basics so you can guide your model if she is new. Help her be aware of her body, how it looks, and what will work!

 If you're posing with your hands/arms, asymmetry is usually best. For example, if a model is placing her hands on her hips, direct her to move one hand/arm in her hair, placed on her shoulder, or hanging by her waist. Fingers should be relaxed and slightly curved. Her arms should not be smooshed against her body. Her face will look best if it's slightly turned down/cocked to the side. A cocked hip creates curves, and if her body is slightly angled away from the camera it will create a slimming look. And arched back is necessary. Make sure the neck is elongated. Pursed lips make a mouth look fuller and pouty. She needs to do these things while also looking relaxed and natural. Try not to do too "pose-y" poses because the difference is major. You want your photos to look like you just captured this beautiful creature in the moment. All of this will feel really unnatural and your model might be in pain, but the more it hurts the better it looks, TRUST ME. Don't let your model look like a chicken!!!

4. Working out is IMPORTANT
Not because you need to be a certain size, but because modeling is HARD WORK. You need some damn MUSCLE TONE to hold those unnatural poses while trying to look natural while also trying to look like the hot bitch that you are. Trust me on this one, guys. I've noticed a huge difference in my ability to hold a pose since I've worked out on a regular basis, and how sore/tired I feel afterwards. Modeling is hard work and we don't get enough credit for it. And like I said, your size is NOT important, all bodies are beautiful! But you will be much more pleased and feel much more confident about your pictures if you're taking care of your body.

5. Makeup!
Always do your makeup darker than you think it should be, even if you're going for a natural look. If you don't have access to a makeup artist, practice it on yourself several times before your shoot until you get it just right. There's many tips and tutorials on the internet, and if anyone is interested, I can do a blog about makeup/hair in the future, since I usually do my own. This goes for your hair, too. Practice makes perfect!

6. For God's sakes WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT
Your comfort is key, and if you're wearing tops or bottoms that are too tight, you're going to have a harder time posing and looking like your sexy self than you normally would. Also, keep in mind that printed clothing normally doesn't transfer to a photograph in a flattering way.

7. Skin
Keep your damn skin moisturized, bring lotion/oil to your shoot to reapply, and don't over-do the tan. If you MUST tan, be smart about it and keep your skin moisturized or you'll look 60 years old. Or better yet, use a nice tinted lotion/spray tan. Your natural skin tone just LOOKS better on you, that's why it's your natural skin tone, after all! Beauty comes in all different shades, embrace yours for yours!

8. CLARIFY
Ask your photographer questions. Ask him/her about the editing process. Clarify what this shoot is going to be about, the theme, what outfits they want. Correspond with them as often as you can before your shoot. They will appreciate it and you will know what to expect!

9. CONFIDENCE IS KEY!
Walk into your shoot as if you run this world, bitch! Snatch some weaves! Channel your inner diva and bring a Britney Spears CD to pump yourself up while you're shooting! It WILL show!