1. THE GREEN EYED MONSTER
This "friend" is easily envious and will go on the defense anytime they think you outshine them. They may spread rumors about you or try to take away what makes you shine and happy. They will never find it in themselves to be happy for you when your life is going well. They'll give you many back-handed compliments. They feel uncomfortable when you form relationships outside of them, and they will try to turn you against people so as to keep you for themselves. Depending on the severity of the jealousy, this friend may be worth slowly weeding out of your life rather than trying to talk to them and convince them to act like a normal human being.
2. THE EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE
This friend is, simply put, EMOTIONALLY DRAINING. They literally suck the life out of you like a vampire. Being around this person is exhausting because every time you see them, you get an ear full of everything about their lives; mainly their problems, stress, and they might throw temper tantrums. The worst offenders are the ones who ask your advice about a situation, do the complete opposite of what you advised, then come to you complaining about how it didn't work and asking for your advice. They don't do this once, either, noooo. They do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
The best advice would to be to keep the conversations short and sweet, see this person in small doses, or hang out with this friend with a large group of people.
3. THE BRICK WALL
This person can't be bothered with your conversation when it's your turn to talk. As soon as they're done talking about something(most likely themselves) and it's your turn to speak up, they immediately shut you out. You can't come to this person for advice or just a shoulder to lean on, and if you try, they will zone out or start doing something else. The ones who pretend to listen can't even do a good job at it. This person is probably not worth keeping as a friend, focus instead on the people who care about what you have to say and who care about your feelings. You're a person, too!
4. THE ONE UPPER
There's nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, but this person takes it way too far. This person makes literally EVERYTHING a competition; sports, awards, Facebook "likes", Twitter "retweets"...they'll even claim that they can wipe their ass better than you. It's exhausting, because if you play into their games, you won't win because they'll outrun you with their webs of bullshit. Don't take it personally, they run a race with everyone. And, pretty soon, they'll be the only one even running the race because they left everyone else in the dust. These people will wake up one day and wonder why they're alone, and you'll be happily skipping the other way off into the sunset focusing on friends who WANT you to succeed and push you to be your best without worrying if you'll outrun them or not.
5. THE GUILT TRIPPER
This person is the very definition of a "brat". They'll make you feel like the biggest piece of shit if you can't, God forbid, live up to their unreasonable preconceived expectations they give you. Your poor, sweet, little old grandma has been sent to the hospital the same night as their party? They won't take "I can't make it, Grandma's sick" for an answer. They'll first try to manipulate you into going to their party anway:
"But I was sooooooo excited for you to come, please, you can see your grandma anytime, there's hot boys here, pleeeeaaaaaaase I'll be so sad if you don't come".
After you still say you can't go and apologize, they'll flat out ignore you until they get over it on THEIR terms. Who wants to deal with adult sized two year old's as friends, anyway?
6. THE BLACK MAILER
This person may be friendly or sweet on the outside, but they're mentally taking notes on embarrassing stories you trust them with, or take pictures of you when you're a hot drunk mess at their party, so if someday your friendship ends because you got sick of them, they can USE IT AGAINST YOU. They might even blackmail you with those things while you're STILL friends, like posting those pictures without your permission or bringing up your secrets in front of a bigger group of people. Watch your back with these people, folks, and be careful with who you trust!
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